A Promotion Before Moving Abroad: Tell Your Employer or Keep Quiet?

Conversations About Decisions

I’ve long been interested in how we make decisions in different parts of life: at work, in our personal lives, in relationships, and in everyday situations. I recently wrote an article about it "Do I Know Enough to Decide?", but seem to have ended up with even more questions :)

I’ve heard many stories of difficult decisions in my coaching practice. I see even more on social media, where people describe their situations hoping for some useful advice.

From time to time, I’d like to bring these stories here and discuss them with you. Share what I notice and how I usually work with these questions in coaching, hear your thoughts and experiences, compare perspectives, perhaps even disagree ;) Sometimes a bit of disagreement helps us get closer to the truth.

Let’s start with this situation.

Someone is planning to move abroad. A few months before the move, they have a chance at a promotion which, they believe, could help them find a better job in their new country.

Should they tell their employer about the planned move? Tell them and almost certainly lose the opportunity? Or keep quiet and risk damaging relationships, trust and their reputation?

This person isn’t a client of mine. It’s a story shared on social media. Here’s how I see the situation, and where I’d start working on a question like this.

What I hear in this question

I hear several emotional needs in their question:

• Recognition — protecting their reputation, trust and professional standing.
• Purpose — considering whether the decision feels right and makes sense in the longer term, as well as what they stand to gain.
• Success — a promotion, a stronger CV, opportunities for their next career step.
• Belonging and care — concern about relationships with their managers and team.
• Ethics — the uneasy questions: “Would this be fair? Would it look like I’m taking advantage of the company?”

In a conversation, I’d check how well this fits the person’s own experience. Perhaps they would name something else that matters, something we can’t yet see in their description.

To me, the central dilemma seems to be: how can I build my own future while still seeing myself as a reliable, decent person?

That may be why asking which option is more beneficial doesn’t produce an answer. They are also considering what this choice would say about them as a person. That is much harder to put into a pros-and-cons list.

Would the promotion really make that much difference?

I’d start by checking the assumptions. Would the promotion really make such a difference to their chances abroad?

What would they actually gain from a few months in the role? A new job title? Leadership experience? The opportunity to finish an important project? And how relevant would that be in the country they’re moving to?

At the moment, we don’t know. But we can already see how much of the choice rests on that assumption. They are weighing a risk to their relationships against an opportunity whose value for their next career step still needs to be understood.

Perhaps the promotion really would help. Then they would know what they are considering taking that risk for. Or perhaps a few months in the new role would offer much less than they expect. The choice itself might then look different.

This is where it makes sense to gather specific information: look at the requirements for the roles they want, or speak to people who know that market. We can’t establish that simply by reflecting on ourselves.

What could they actually lose in those relationships?

Next, I’d explore the cost. What does “risking good relationships” mean?

Losing a reference? The chance to stay in touch? A particular manager’s trust? Or their sense of being “a reliable person,” something they have spent years building?

We talk about “relationships” as though they were one thing. But that word can hold very different concerns. It matters which of those the person wants to preserve.

They are leaving. Even without the promotion, they will leave the team. What do they imagine those relationships will look like after the move? What would they like to continue? What would it mean to them to leave in a way they believe is right?

Then we can return to the second assumption: does keeping quiet automatically destroy trust? What does being open with their employer mean to them in this situation? What is expected of them, and what agreements are already in place?

Their manager may decide not to offer the promotion once they learn the person will be leaving soon. That risk needs to be considered. But at this point, I’d want to understand which consequences they expect based on what they know, and which they are still imagining.

Does everything need to be decided at once?

The hardest part of dilemmas like this is when we narrow the choice down to two mutually exclusive options and try to settle everything in one decision: our future career, relationships with the team, reputation, and our own sense of acting with integrity.

But do we really need to make the choice in those terms?

Perhaps the first decision is about what needs to be found out. For example, the person might decide to:

• find out whether this role would actually help them make a more successful transition in their new country;
• clarify how long they are expected to stay in the new role and what would be expected of them;
• discuss the move as a planned change and explore how the handover could work.

These are decisions the person makes, too. Each has consequences: a conversation about the move will reveal their plans, while gathering information about the job market won’t. The order matters.

One outcome of a session might be a clearer sense of what the person is ready to decide now, what still needs to be checked, and how to return to the main choice afterwards.

And finally, I’d ask: if we put “right or wrong” to one side for a moment, what would the decision need to include for it to feel acceptable? What price are they prepared to pay? Which losses could they live with?

After exploring this, they may decide that telling their employer now is the best option for them. Or they may want to find something out first. In the conversation, I’d want to understand what their choice is based on and whether they are ready for what it would change.

I don’t know what this person eventually decided. Perhaps the choice would still have been difficult after exploring these questions. But they might have had a clearer sense of what they wanted to gain, what they feared losing, and what they could do now.

What do you see in this story? How would you approach the choice?

I work on questions like these in A Difficult Choice: one session focused on a specific decision, followed by a written summary of your next steps.